The PR Angel is dressed in Black. She hears their tale. "My metaphorical children," she says, "there's one clear way for all to fulfill dreams. You must Kinda Keep Kosher."
"You want we should do WHAT?" asks the Chaplain, who's been studying Jewishness by watching lots of Woody Allen films.
"Keep Kinda Kosher, my daughters," says the Writer. "You must sail to the Upper West Side to consult with the Great Conservative Rabbis."
"But Kosher Chinese tastes awful!" whines the Fat Girl.
[NEW!] "OH NO," says the PR Angel. "You awakened the consciousness of the Writer! And she's on post-extension deadline." The Angel bent her head, and whispered to herself. "This time she's going to do it: transfer me to the Activist's Brain." The PR Angel gasped. "I'll have to serve as prophet to Congress. It's going to be a long year."
The Writer paid no attention to the distraught Angel. "Ah, my Dorky Daughter," says The Writer. "You must learn patience. If you wish to slim fast, you must first hold your tongue and duck-tape your mouth. I mean that metaphorically. Almost nobody means anything literally. Those horrid words: 'I mean that literally' make me want to shoot flying monkeys out of the offenders' nethers. Sheesh. Doesn't ANYBODY think before they speak?"
"Relax," whispers the Converso to her Trinity sisters. "My people have been getting around the rules for centuries. It's how we kept Holier-than-Thou Pogromy Peasants from roasting us on a spit. When you're trying to save your skin from the crisper, you get really good at busting open loop-holes."
"Ah," say the Born-Again and the Fat Girl. "Kinda! Kinda Kinda!"
[Enhanced!] "Exactly my children," says the Writer. "Kind, with an a." You didn't work your nethers off @ Brown & Sarah Lawrence so you could follow the rules as directed! Seriously, make you emptied-pockets parents proud. Apply your mega-liberal, way-too-expensive, liberal arts education. Let the Engineers & Lawyers do all the ritualized literal-minded grunt work. Now Go. Seriously. I've got other characters to flesh out. AND GET OUT OF MY BRAIN. I have way too many random thoughts and book proposals already."
[NEW!] The Writer turned to the PR Angel. "I'll deal with you later. I have something special in mind. Something worse than Congressional Prophet. SHAZAM!"
All three Trinity Friends breathed a sigh of relief. Because Kosher Chinese really is awful. And the pizza's not so good either (except Falafel pizza, which the Fat Girl loved).
[TO BE CONTINUED -- someday]
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