JOKE-AGORY Pt 2: The Trinity Friends Hear The WRITER

Continued from A Chaplain, Converso, and Fat Girl Walk into a Writer's Brain

[Wikipedia: The Converso's Pet Scapegoat]

The PR Angel is dressed in Black. She hears their tale. "My metaphorical children," she says, "there's one clear way for all to fulfill dreams. You must Kinda Keep Kosher."

"You want we should do WHAT?" asks the Chaplain, who's been studying Jewishness by watching lots of Woody Allen films.

"Keep Kinda Kosher, my daughters," says the Writer. "You must sail to the Upper West Side to consult with the Great Conservative Rabbis."

"But Kosher Chinese tastes awful!" whines the Fat Girl.

[NEW!] "OH NO," says the PR Angel. "You awakened the consciousness of the Writer! And she's on post-extension deadline." The Angel bent her head, and whispered to herself. "This time she's going to do it: transfer me to the Activist's Brain." The PR Angel gasped. "I'll have to serve as prophet to Congress. It's going to be a long year."

The Writer paid no attention to the distraught Angel. "Ah, my Dorky Daughter," says The Writer. "You must learn patience. If you wish to slim fast, you must first hold your tongue and duck-tape your mouth. I mean that metaphorically. Almost nobody means anything literally. Those horrid words: 'I mean that literally' make me want to shoot flying monkeys out of the offenders' nethers. Sheesh. Doesn't ANYBODY think before they speak?"

"Relax," whispers the Converso to her Trinity sisters. "My people have been getting around the rules for centuries. It's how we kept Holier-than-Thou Pogromy Peasants from roasting us on a spit. When you're trying to save your skin from the crisper, you get really good at busting open loop-holes."

"Ah," say the Born-Again and the Fat Girl. "Kinda! Kinda Kinda!"

[Enhanced!] "Exactly my children," says the Writer. "Kind, with an a." You didn't work your nethers off @ Brown & Sarah Lawrence so you could follow the rules as directed! Seriously, make you emptied-pockets parents proud. Apply your mega-liberal, way-too-expensive, liberal arts education. Let the Engineers & Lawyers do all the ritualized literal-minded grunt work. Now Go. Seriously. I've got other characters to flesh out. AND GET OUT OF MY BRAIN. I have way too many random thoughts and book proposals already."

[NEW!] The Writer turned to the PR Angel. "I'll deal with you later. I have something special in mind. Something worse than Congressional Prophet. SHAZAM!"

All three Trinity Friends breathed a sigh of relief. Because Kosher Chinese really is awful. And the pizza's not so good either (except Falafel pizza, which the Fat Girl loved).

[TO BE CONTINUED -- someday]

JOKE-AGORY Pt 1: a Chaplain, Converso & Fat Girl walk into a Writer's Brain...

UPDATED 9/16: The Converso needs to dig up her Jewish roots. It's tough. Her mother cut & stuffed the family's Sephardic roots in a LOCK BOX, jammed it with relics, & purified the Lock Box in Holy Water from the Shrine of Our Lady of Fatima.

Then she buried the Lock Box under the mythical land of Atlantis (Portuguese Azores). She's one thorough Mother.

The Converso asks the Chaplain for help. No problem. "If I can be Born Again in Jesus the Jew, why can't the Jew in You be resurrected?"

As with all good intentions, therein lay a silver thread of self-interest. The Chaplain needs to bone up on Judaism to serve Jewish sailor-sheep in her flock.

The Fat Girl, who'd been hiding in a corner, timidly speaks up. "Um, I could help too, if you think I'm good enough to help. But, umm. I'm not sure how. Sorry. I can't really do much. But, I have this dream. I guess it's silly. But I want to get buff, so I can Sail the Seven Seas."

So the three form a team. They get hats & t-shirts that read: The Trinity Friends. The Chaplain insists on Sailor Blue with Gold Lettering.

The trinity build an ark. The Fat Girl brings her Vietnamese pot-belly pig; the Converso drags along her scapegoat; and the Chaplain calls her Warrior Pigeon.

They sail the ark to the Memory of the New Rochelle Pier where the Sarah Lawrence College rowing team rows. Once Upon a Time, The Fat Girl rowed (badly) with the Gryphon team. But that was long ago.

But, back to the Quest. The Trinity Friends must first get past the Writer's PR Angel.

[TO BE CONTINUED]

See: The Trinity Friends Hear from the Writer